theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
