would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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