If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
