thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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