I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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