At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
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