Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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