I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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