the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Randomize
