I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I am midnight drunk by noon
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
My feet surprised me
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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