I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
