There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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