Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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