With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
