last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
