Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
