as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
