sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
