went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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