I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
