my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
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