If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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