Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
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Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
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