i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
