I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize
