sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
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Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
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Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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