he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
