i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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