here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!