We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?