they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
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So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
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We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?