So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long