He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
23 People Have Step Parents That Are Younger Than Them
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
27 People Confess The Worst Jobs They’ve Ever Had
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.