Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Randomize
