Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
