As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
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You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
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What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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