You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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