He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Randomize
