can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
