found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
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