She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
