also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
cat food counts as protein by the way
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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