he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
She made me pour olive oil on her.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Randomize
