You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
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