he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Randomize
