a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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