you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
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