life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
