i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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