So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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