i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
We need to feng shui this bitch.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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