the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
