he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
whose ass print is on the piano?
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Randomize
