haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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