at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Randomize
