I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
