Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Drake has all the answers
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
