New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
