i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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