we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
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honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
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Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
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