Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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