Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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