The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
This is the high leading the old right now
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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