does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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