Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
