Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
