____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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