Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Randomize
