I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
