why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
