the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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