just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
love makes seman taste better
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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