after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
