The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
