I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
