This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
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